January 7, 2020
Things You Shouldn’t Have To Ask Your Partner For
The non-negotiables in a relationship
You may have heard that a good and long-lasting relationship is built on compromise. While this is true for the most part and yes, great relationships are all about giving and taking, there are certain areas that you shouldn’t compromise on. Here are the 6 things you should demand and expect from your partner.
This is a pretty obvious one, do I even need to say more?
A healthy relationship is the union of two equals. Quite early on in our relationship I referred to Axl as my other half and he was quick to correct me ‘I am not a half of anything, and neither are you. We’re two wholes who come together to make something better’. This stuck with me. I am not a half of anything. I am me and I am a whole person, I am his equal and he is mine. Respect in a relationship means your partner values you, your thoughts, opinions and feelings. Don’t settle for anyone who makes you feel like lesser than them.
Healthy couples support each other always and in all ways. Simple words of encouragement, be it a note in their bag for them to find or a text before an important meeting, these are small gestures that can go a long way. Life could be pretty tough at times and having someone next to you who is there to encourage you to is a key ingredient to reaching your personal or professional goals.
You should feel free to speak your mind in a relationship. The ability to openly share your feelings, thoughts and concerns is critical for a relationship. You can’t play the guessing game and expect for the partnership to work. And this goes both ways. As a partner, you should be ready to listen and try to connect with what the other person is saying. A relationship should be a safe space for you two share and hear the other person’s most sacred thoughts.
Just like words of encouragement, compliments are something that is exchanged in a healthy relationship. Particularly on days when we feel off, it’s our partner’s duty to at least try to entertain us and lift our spirits. A compliment will make the other person feel special, loved and most importantly noticed. The last thing you want is for your partner to feel overlooked and to seek that external validation elsewhere. And you don’t need to ‘shower’ the other person with compliments, no. A gentle comment every now and then is a tender reminder that we’re still loved and an object of desire. I mean, who doesn’t love a compliment? And when it comes from that special someone, it means even more!
Whether you want to go out for drinks after work, have a holiday with friends, join the gym or go back to school, you should definitely not feel like you need to ask for permission. Letting your partner know, consulting them and asking for their opinion is one thing, it’s the considerate thing to do but you should never have to feel like asking for permission. If you feel the need to ask for permission to visit family or spend time with friends in particular, then it may be the case that you’re in a controlling relationship. Same goes for spending money. Having to ask for permission to buy yourself new shoes or a bag for example, is a major red flag. (If you are struggling to manage your finances as a couple, then this article might be useful to you)
Healthy relationships are all about openness and being able to ask for what you want. When you, however, find yourself begging the other person for the basics – you may have a problem.
I hope you’re with someone who has never denied you any of the above.
Until next time!